Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize