ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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