WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
