I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
