Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
