so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
