Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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