I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
