you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize