Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
