it hurts more in the daytime
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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