I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
