the condom got lost in my hair
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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