when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
