Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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