kristin has been a bad kristin
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
