By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
