Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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