I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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