Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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