Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
