She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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