Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
