Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
