I just made out with a guy for $7.
I need help removing her.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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