So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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