You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
