yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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