Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
