Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
