She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
