You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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