He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize