Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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