Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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