Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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