He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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