I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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