i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did i walk over a car last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
