why didn't you poke me back
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
