So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
