Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
