fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
