Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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