He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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