Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
