forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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