There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize