I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
