Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
