nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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