After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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