shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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