The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
