The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
