As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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