Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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