The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
