I wish my penis had an off switch
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
