I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
