I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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