Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
