Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love having hate sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
