When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
