I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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