you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
