It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize