i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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