So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
