Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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