wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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