I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
