Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
