i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
