drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
