you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize