I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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