I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
