I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
